A Whole Systems Approach to Navigating Grief

Family Nutrition

5 Oct

Written By Lauren Barber

Part 1: Nutrition

“What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us”

— Helen Keller

Nothing quite prepares you for grief - for your personal journey through grief and all its twists and turns along the way. No two people will experience it the same and whilst grief shifts it’s hold with time, it’s not a linear experience. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote about the 5 stages of grief back in 1969 but I don’t believe she meant the model to be used in a linear way but a spiral of movement between the 5 stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

I’ve found grief to be fluid and surprising in its movement through me. Sometimes lapping in gentle waves, like warm memories full of love. Other times grief thrashes with full velocity of epic proportions bringing me to my knees once more. My first lesson is to be gentle to myself whilst feeling into the emotions, the loss, the heartbreak, letting the tears roll and release. Making space for something new to return whilst keeping hold of those who have passed over within my heart. It’s a process of letting go of the physical but no time limit, it takes as long as it takes. It’s a process in which we carefully endeavour to stitch our broken heart back together. I believe that the energetic blueprint of our loved one remains close to us. A vibrational cord of light frequency connects us through all time and space. We may not be able to see this cord, but we have the opportunity to feel it with intensity. Our loved ones are never far away, we just need to tune into a new frequency to feel their presence.

There are many different reasons for grief, it may also be after the loss of a pet or the loss of a friendship or divorce. All are valid and all can be supported by nutritional and lifestyle measures.

So what’s going on within the physical body

Grief triggers a massive physical stress response within the body. We have an autonomic nervous system which takes in information from our environment to access if we are safe or under threat. In times of deep sadness and grief, our autonomic nervous system can become stuck in the sympathetic or dorsal vagal response. This impacts our mental health and our ability to digest our food and absorb its nutrients. When we feel safe and supported our body can rest and digest. When working with clients who have experienced a deep loss, it is common that there is less stomach acid and digestive enzymes – so maybe bloating or abdominal discomfort. The immune system can be impacted so we could see more frequent infections. There is increased adrenal stress as more stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline are released. This may lead to anxiety, and depression and at times insomnia. My aim is to help my clients mobilise out of these survival states to navigate with flexibility the day-to-day experiences. This will also allow food to be optimally digested, and nutrients absorbed.

Hydration is key. The body requires about 2 Litres of quality water a day to help it produce enough digestive enzymes and saliva for good digestion. Electrolytes within the water (potassium, magnesium, sodium, and chloride) all help the cells at the quantum level to hydrate and conduct their duties as part of the whole. Coconut water is a great way to hydrate as is popping a pink Himalayan crystal under your tongue whilst sipping water. Warm herbal teas such as fresh ginger with a pinch of salt will also help stimulate the digestive juices before a meal. Whilst we are focusing on the importance of hydration, drinks with tannins should to be avoided ideally 2 hours before and after a meal due to its ability to inhibit absorption of nutrients. So, avoid tea around mealtimes. Coffee and other stimulants like alcohol can put additional stress on our kidneys and the adrenal glands which sit directly on top stimulating additional stress hormone production.

Gut health is essential. Certain species of bacteria in our gut keep tight junctions together so that unwanted toxins and undigested food can’t enter the bloodstream activating the immune system. When our gut lining becomes permeable or leaky, we can experience food intolerances and allergies and if left too long auto-immune disease as the immune system is overburdened.

Grief is an energy vampire, so nourishing our grief with foods that can provide enough energy is critical. It’s also a time when we can experience a sweet tooth and crave chocolate and sweet things to fill the void. If we eat a diet high in refined carbohydrates and simple sugars (think white pasta, white bread, pizza, fruit juices – and typically highly processed convenience foods) this is reflected in the species of gut bacteria and these bacteria crave more sugar and refined foods to survive and thrive. We humans don’t need sugar or fructose to survive. Sugar is harmful to the liver leading to fatty liver and metabolic imbalance which may lead to chronic diseases such as diabetes. However, we can get our sugar hit from berries, sweet potatoes and beetroot which also have an abundance of synergistic polyphenols and nutrients to benefit our health. Most of us do like a little sugar in our lives especially when grief is challenging. The sugar in maple syrup, coconut sugar, honey, molasses all have added nutrients making them the best choice to reach for.

Liver support is also necessary. The liver filters the blood that comes from the gut which processes the food and is our main detoxification organ. Our liver requires quality protein, B vitamins found in protein sources and vegetables and enzymes like sulforaphane found in cruciferous vegetables (cauliflower, broccoli, broccoli sprouts, kale) to detoxify efficiently. The liver processes our medications (NSAIDS, paracetamol, SSRI etc), stimulants, and food so its super important we support it with the right foods.

Food to support grief and the gut/brain/heart axis

A diverse population of bacteria in our gut creates a healthy ecosystem within the body and is key to supporting us along our grief journey. Adding at least 30g of fibre to our diet has lots of benefits. Insoluable fibre can’t be digested by the body so helps with elimination of waste. Lots of green vegetables, root vegetables with skins on, nuts and beans. Stewed apples (ideally organic and leave the skins on) with cinnamon and a sprinkle of coconut sugar is a wonderfully warming breakfast or pudding to soothe and nourish the digestive tract. Soluable fibre such as soaked chia seeds and flax seeds absorb water and can be soothing to the digestive track and again encourage elimination of waste from the body. More fibre in our diet will help keep our sugar cravings down and keep us fuller for longer. Marshmallow root tea and slippery elm is also soothing and supportive to gut health but must be taken away from food as they inhibit the absorption of nutrients.

Omega 3 found in oily fish (sardines, mackerel, salmon, and anchovies) and sea plants is particularly supportive. 60% of our brain is made from fat, these fatty acids especially DHA help protect nerve fibres and allow good speedy connection between brain cells so you can feel focused. They also allow for the production of our ‘feel good’ hormone, dopamine. Every cell membrane in the body is made up of phospholipids with DHA being an essential component. So, you can begin to see how crucial these fats are to a whole systems approach to health. Eating oily fish from responsible sources twice/three times a week will be supportive along your journey. Flaxseeds, chia seeds, walnuts, algae, and seaweed are all good vegan sources of ALA which converts into EPA and DHA fatty acid.

Foods rich in Vitamin B’s: include poultry, organic grass-fed beef, liver, trout, white fish, eggs, legumes, nuts & seeds, quinoa, spinach, avocado and beetroot. B Vitamins play a significant role in liver detoxification, brain health and mood. All 8 B vitamins are involved in brain function and the body’s the production of brain chemicals called neurotransmitters so messages can pass from neurons to nerve cell, muscle, or glands. Vitamin B is also key in the conversion of food into ATP energy within the mitochondria cells.

Foods rich in Magnesium: Vegetables and wholegrains such as avocado, spinach, broccoli, any dark green leafy vegetables, legumes (chickpeas, beans, lentils) brown rice and quinoa. Magnesium is a wonderfully calming nutrient and is involved in the relay of messages between the brain and the body. When we are in the stress response, we can become depleted very fast despite lots of food choices. Supplementing may need to be considered in a gentle absorbable form such as Magnesium Glycinate.

Foods rich in Iodine found in fish, seaweed, prunes, and eggs support normal metabolism and thyroid health. Iron found in organ meat, grass-fed meats, spinach, dried apricots, and legumes such as beans support the bloods capacity to transport oxygen around the body. Zinc found in pumpkin seeds, cashew nuts, chickpeas and oysters is a key mineral to support the production of digestive enzymes and over 100 enzyme reactions within the body. Zinc is also supportive to the immune system which is usually under pressure during grief.

Rainbow coloured vegetables, fruit and herbs for their phytonutrients and antioxidants. Try and eat seasonally and from a local farmers market you trust isn’t spraying their crops with toxic herbicides and pesticides. These will also contain vitamin C, E and K and have powerful anti-inflammatory properties to protect the body from damaging inflammation again exacerbated by being in the stress response during grief. A diet of diverse colourful vegetables and plant proteins is not only supportive to our gut, but our liver and our nervous system.

No system within our body works in isolation but communicates as an orchestra of instruments creating coherence and balance within the body. We call this homeostasis. A wholesome nutrient rich diet provides us with diverse nutrients in the form of vitamins, minerals, polyphenols and soluable and insoluable fibre working in synchrony. Wholefood from nature also vibrates with the light frequency that nurtured it through its journey from seed to flourishing plant. Each colour pigment reflects a light frequency with synergistic nutrients to benefit and expand the diversity of our gut. Today, more and more research is confirming the gut/brain/heart link so when we feed ourselves with wholefoods, we are supporting our whole being at the quantum level through and around grief.

But what if you’re too tired to even consider cooking from scratch?

Grief can also be exhausting and sometimes it’s hard enough getting ourselves up and dressed let alone cooking for ourselves and the family. This is when we reach for the quick sugary refined snacks and ready meals. If friends and family are keen to support you whilst you navigate the rawness of grief, why not ask them to contribute to a healthy wholefoods delivery box which come with recipe cards. It’s hassle free to make yourself and the family a wholesome meal. I’m a fan of Mindful chef because all their produce is local to the UK, seasonal and is gluten and dairy free. There is also a vegetarian option. There are other providers including Hello Fresh, Gousto and Abel & Cole, Riverford. Another idea is to batch cook on the calmer days and freeze meals so that when the waves come crashing in you can grab something, defrost and heat without too much effort. Again, maybe a kind friend would help and join you in the kitchen for a batch marathon session. There’s no shame in turning the music up high and dancing like nobody is watching with a friend. Companionship can help us release endorphins and oxytocin and suddenly the world seems a whole lot easier, even if it is just for a moment in time.